1. Your loneliness can trick you into missing the wrong person. Take a second to ask yourself whether you really miss them — or whether you miss the feeling of being wanted, whether you miss having someone around to keep you company, whether you miss knowing you were never alone. If you’re simply feeling lonely, then there are other people out there who can help you out. You don’t have to settle for this person you already know is bad for you. You don’t have to run back to them.
2. You cut them out of your life for a reason. You might be dwelling on the good moments you shared. You might be missing them because they brought you so much peace and happiness once upon a time. But you cannot forget about the pain and misery they brought as well. You cannot focus on the good without remembering the bad. There was a reason you walked away from this person, so don’t trick yourself into feeling like it was a mistake. Remember why you walked away in the first place. You owe it to your past self to respect the decision you made.
3. You don’t want to repeat history. You don’t want to give them another chance to hurt you. And you don’t want to put yourself through the pain of walking away again. It was hard enough to say goodbye the first time. Do you really want to repeat history? Do you really want to take a step backwards when you’re doing so well without them? Although you might miss them right now, that doesn’t mean you’re meant to reunite with them again. That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to forgive and forget.
4. It’s okay to have conflicted feelings about them. Remember, it’s not stupid for you to miss someone who hurt you. It’s natural for you to think about them from time to time. It can even be healthy for you to relive the good moments in your mind — but you cannot let those feelings trick you into making a foolish decision. You cannot run back to the past because your future is going to be so much brighter without them.
5. Moving on can take a long time. You shouldn’t feel like you should be over them by now. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over the fact that they still pop into your mind more often than you like to admit. Everyone’s heart heals differently. Some people need more time than others. Even though it might feel like you’ll never get over them, you will. You simply need a little more time. And distance.
6. They really don’t deserve you. You don’t have to settle for someone who is incapable of loving you fully, someone who is incapable of rising to your expectations. You can do so much better than them, so don’t sell yourself short. Don’t assume you’re unlovable. You’re going to find someone who fits you so much better. And then you’ll never miss this person again.
(Holly Riordan has amassed over a million views on articles about relationships, mental health, and self-improvement.)